First and foremost, if you are here to insult me you might as well save it. You could not possibly think any less of me than I do of myself at the moment.
In case you would like a little background history, I am 26 years old and living back at home. I am not currently working and was terminated from my previous two jobs. One was on a retaliatory basis and one was pretty much what I would call theft by omission. Let me explain, you see I had gone into the diner where I was working, at the time, on my night off. Of course, I had quite a bit to drink that night but not enough to excuse my actions (seeing on the ticket that my meal wasn’t on there and leaving without doing anything to rectify the situation.) A "friend" slash co-worker went with me, along with a few other friends. The co-worker had asked the cook to make some food without a ticket and slipped him some money to do so, evidently. When he told me of his plan I told him it was stupid and I would prefer to just pay for my food. Well, he kept insisting on "taking care of it," so I went to our waitress and asked her to make sure my food was on the ticket; all she did was smirk and chuckle. Long story short, my food wasn’t one of the meals on the ticket and I was fired for that purpose. Now, I have never been a thief and don’t want my reputation completely down the shooter. I really want to go in to speak with the GM, but I have anxiety and have yet to bring myself to go in and pay for my food, though they had no qualms whatsoever about making me work OFF the clock for them on several occasions. I’m not trying to justify anything, but merely trying to figure out what the best approach would be? Do I get the courage to go in and speak with the GM? Do I write it off since I’m already regarded as a thief? What should I do? (By the way, there is a LOT more to this story, but I am not here to vent.)
Before that I job-hopped a lot. Nothing was ever challenging enough. I was always ambitious but seemed to have lost all motivation (due to depression mostly,) and direction in life.
I’ve been in and out of college. Dropping out several times due to a debilitating anxiety disorder and relationship problems.
I’ve accumulated some debt in the process and feel so overwhelmed. Once in a while I will tell myself, " I should just file bankruptcy!" Then I begin to rationalize and know that it’s not an option for me. I WANT to get back on track and pay my debt off, respectively.
Right now my sole focus is trying to find a new job, but I AM being sort of picky because I want to find something that will last while I get my life back together with paying my debt off; moving back into a place of my own; and returning to and finishing college.
Lately though, all I can think about is suicide. It’s just a lingering thought mostly. Is there something I can do to keep these thoughts from entering my mind? I keep telling myself if I keep my faith in God things will be all right.
If you need further details let me know. Your advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you.
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