My wife has a disorder where the pathology is such that they are serial cheaters and liars in many of them and they will bring on their abandonment with self-sabotaging of the marriage due to irrational fears fo being abandoned in the first place. She has no healthy fear of consequences the way her brain functions and has engaged in risky sex with my coworker and even public sex. I know someone will say that i took vows like "in sickness and in health" and "til death do us part", but there is no cure fo rthis and often relapse with all known treatments.

She has Borderline Personality Disorder, and she took a vow to "forsake all others" and has cheated every couple of years of our marriage and smears me to people. Since she has been diagnosed, her therapists have shown her that she is mostlikely the root of most of her problems. She has destroyed an otherwise decent and functioning family. She acts much as though she has multiple or split personalities.

I have given her 22 years of my life taking care of her and her mother who had it too. Her mother was highly abusive to our marriage and very selfish. I have lost a fortune in real estate due to her selfish impilsive spending and are filing bankruptcy. How much should someone endure when only one has upheld marital vows and the other has been a raging, violent, serial liar and cheater?
Breaking the marriage would help me of course, and it could help her to realize consequences and stop making the same mistakes over and over and learn to appreciate her family and not destroy it. It will both help and hurt our children as being around her full time is toxic, but so is being 10 and 12 years old and having your parents divorce and for her to impulsively date, move in and marry men on a whim. She will devote the rest of her life, even after she married another, to making my life hell as i am her icon of abandonment that left her though Borderlines more often than not bring this on themselves. To answer your question better, HackDon, this disorder is famous for being a no-win situation for the family members.

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I am 38 and I have lost all hope and desire to live. All I want is freedom from my pain.

First suicide attempt at age 16
Last suicide attempt was last Wednesday – it was my tenth.
(I know pretty sad that after ten tries I can’t even get that right).

I have seen the inside of multiple emergency rooms and psych units over the years. I have been to more doctors, counselors, shrinks, therapists, alternative medical specialists, rehabs, and groups than I can even count anymore.

If there is a medication out there, they have tried it on me.

I have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, anxiety disorder, and major depressive disorder. I am a cutter and I have an eating disorder. I had a habitual marijuana and sleeping pill addiction which I have under control, but I still crave everyday. I also quit drinking. I just finished going through bankruptcy for the 45K in credit card debt I racked up due to a spending addiction. I was married once and have had multiple live-in partners – I drove them all away because I am "crazy".

I am currently in a treatment program (Dialectical Behavior Therapy), it has been five months and I still feel little hope.

I cry everyday, I am lost and empty, I want freedom from the emotional pain I live with constantly. I feel I have no worth or purpose. I have lost all hope as I have been in treatment so many times and yet, here I am again.

How many times can a person hit rock-bottom and still find the courage and strength to try?

I go to therapy, I go to group therapy, I volunteer, I exercise, I try to take good care of myself, I meditate daily, I work with my higher power but still I feel no hope.

What now?

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