Should I stay with a 43 year old, out of work man living with his parents?
Okay, I met a 43 year old divorced father of two and we’ve been sort of seeing each other for the past 3 months. He says he has really fallen for me, so much in fact that he has told me he loves me. The thing is, he moved back in with his parents because of the divorce, but that was over a year ago. He used to have his own business, but the business went bankrupt and he has not worked in awhile (definitely not since I’ve met him). I just am starting to wonder if he even has any motivation to do anything other than trying to hang out with me and talk to me! We hardly see each other because of the living situation and when we do hang out all he talks about is how he misses me, how he likes (and now loves) me so much, etc… I just don’t know if I can be with a man who doesn’t work, lives with his parents and isn’t doing anything about it! He says he’s getting his own place in a couple of weeks, but I am struggling to believe this is true considering he still isn’t working and doesn’t have any savings! I think he is a genuinely good person, but I don’t know if that’s enough. My question is this…is there hope for him? Should I stick it out and see if things change? To me it just seems bad because he has been living this way for so long, it’s like he wants to move, but financially can’t get his stuff together! For being 43, I just expect more I suppose….is this wrong of me? Or, should I hit the road and end this now?? Please, any advice will do!!
My details:
***I am 34 years old (no kids, if that matters) and do have a full time job as well as go to school.
I completely understand Steven’s point and I do give the guy credit for the ambition to try and do something on his own, but in all reality his own business was just himself and a couple of guys he could call on to come help on bigger projects. I’m not trying to downplay it, that’s just the reality. I still admire the ambition, I completely understand the horrible economic situation that’s been going on and I know it is really tough on American’s, whether you have a job or not….I don’t want to come off as not being totally sympathetic to that.
If he has a job and his own place soon probably fine if not it could be a pattern too bad you can’t talk to his ex wife they are always a valuable source of information. If he is newly divorced I’d use caution he hasn’t had time to heal.
December 28th, 2011 at 8:20 pmno
December 28th, 2011 at 8:20 pmOkay, you’re in a situation wherein the economy is pretty bad. People are left unemployed for an extended period of time (if you live in the US or in Europe) and it’s really hard to even have a part time job, let alone a full time one. So, you can’t blame a man for not succeeding: that’s not fair.
However, you may try to see if he can give it a genuine go, if he can try to do something about it. You can’t ask him to make it, but you can ask him to try. I mean, if the guy would be willing to do a very ordinary kind of job, just to show he can bring some money home and not leave you alone to do everything, then he deserves a break and a chance; if even after trying to push him forward, he stays stuck and sit, you can’t change his life for him: it wouldn’t be fair for you.
EDIT: I think Stevens is right on that take. You can’t hope a guy to be the lucky pick in a thousand and judge him because he has been dealt a bad hand. And, yeah, it may not look like that to you, but even a small business is hard to run — it’s time eating and killing, stressful, etc. It’s rare you get a crazy idea and can sit on it without working to see money moving in; most of the time, it’s a matter of yourself making the calls, the deals, computing your own stuff and all of that while looking after who’s working for you so they don’t mess up… so, it’s not like he exited school and never tried anything. Had it not been for the governments to be so lazy about their regulations because of a doctrine which says markets are always right, the housing bubbles everywhere would not have burst and he probably would still be a successful manager.
So, can you give him a chance and try to see if he’ll do something about his situation or are you not ready — it wouldn’t be cruel of you to say no, because he needs someone who’s ready to take that big commitment for him to hope doing anything good at all — and prepared to dare it?
December 28th, 2011 at 8:20 pmI wouldn’t…
December 28th, 2011 at 8:20 pmyou actually need advice to dump this loser ??
what the hell do they teach you in school ??……shopping ??????
December 28th, 2011 at 8:20 pmhahaha all i read was the headline, i would say no
December 28th, 2011 at 8:20 pmI would say give him a break on this, because the economy is hard for everyone. If he had his own business then that should tell you he is committed to work. Being divorced with two kids is expensive and time consuming. If you cannot handle the "baggage" that he brings into the relationship then you need to tell him honestly. He is focused on you because your the one thing that brings happiness in his life right now. Either you accept him and the challenges he has in his life right now or you move on.
December 28th, 2011 at 8:20 pm